A seemingly innocent moment at preschool stopped me in my tracks and made me realize how early societal norms begin shaping us.
This story isn’t just about homeschooling or parenting choices – it’s about questioning societal norms that quietly dictate how we live, parent, and define success.
Because if we don’t pause to ask why, we risk spending our lives trying to do everything “right,” while forgetting what’s actually right for us.
The Comment That Stuck With Me
I had a seemingly innocent interaction with another mom at the pre-school yesterday that has been weighing on me – one of those moments that shouldn’t matter but somehow does.
My 5-year-old daughter should be starting school in a few months, but we haven’t decided where or if she will be going to school. Because I have it in my head (and heart) that I want to homeschool my kids.
We have to figure out the finances and logistics and all of that before we can commit to anything, though. So the question of school is still up in the air, which we have discussed openly with my daughter – who, by the way, is a super chatty Cathy and will engage any willing participant in a conversation about anything at any time (which, I mean, great skill for a future homeschooled kid, amiright?).
Yesterday’s victim of her conversational ambush was another mother dropping her kid off at pre-school.
“I’m 5 years old!” my daughter blurted out to this woman (or something along those lines).
To which the woman replied, “Wow you’re getting so big! You’ll be starting school soon, huh?”
And my daughter said, “Yeah, maybe. We aren’t sure if I’m going to school or not. I might stay home. I don’t want to go to school.”
(Let me add before we proceed that her opinion on whether she wants to go school changes from day to day, and that if she ultimately decides that’s what she wants to do, we won’t rule it out as an option.)
The woman then said, “Well everyone has to go to school. It’s just what kids do!”
How Innocent Words Shape Deep Beliefs
If there’s one idea that has wreaked havoc on my entire adult life, it’s the idea that you should do something just because you’re supposed to do it.
So I did a mental facepalm. Externally, I’m sure there was some awkward but polite smiling.
My daughter was completely unaffected by her statement and then we went about doing our usual hang-the-coats-in-the-cupboard stuff while the woman proceeded out the door.
But here I am, a full 24 hours later, and that statement is still ringing in my ears.
“Everyone has to go to school. It’s just what kids do.”
Regardless of your or my opinions about homeschooling or traditional education or whatever, what really sits with me about all of it is how super innocent statements like these are exactly what seep in over time and make us think there’s only one “right” way to do things in this life.
And when we think there’s only one right way to do things, we beat ourselves up and burn ourselves out trying to contort ourselves to do it that right way.
The Cost of Doing What We’re “Supposed” To
Look, this woman didn’t mean any harm. It was a very normal thing to say to a little kid who says they don’t want to go to school. And I’m sure what she said was very true for her.
But is it a universal truth? Do all kids have to go to school?
Maybe your automatic response is “duh – yes!” But I can tell you that for me and for millions of other families around the world, it isn’t (which kinda busts the whole universal thing).
Even though my daughter seemed completely oblivious and hopped merrily away, did she internalize any of that message?
And how many other seemingly innocent “truths” of the world has she already absorbed? Fuck, how many have I in my lifetime?
Questioning Societal Norms Starts at Home
I haven’t talked to my daughter about any of this since. I guess I’m hoping what she heard went in one ear and out the other.
But if I did talk to her about it, I would tell her that she doesn’t have to do anything the way someone tells her to do it. She doesn’t have to follow the “normal” path because it’s what everyone else does.
And yeah, she might have to get used to people judging her for it. Or telling her that she’s wrong or different or weird.
She doesn’t have to care.
She needs to anchor in what she knows is right for her – for her life.
She needs to question what is expected and what she “should” do because some mom or teacher or society as a whole said it was the only way.
There isn’t just one right way to do anything. Only a way that feels true and right for her.
The Message We All Need to Hear
And you know what?
That message is for you, too.
This doesn’t just apply to impressionable 5-year-olds who may or may not be homeschooled.
It applies to all of us.
We all have the ability to question the norm and re-evaluate what the right move is for us in our lives.
We don’t have to follow the status quo because it’s “just what you do.” Especially when following that status quo leaves us feeling burned out, empty, and longing for more.
Choosing Our Own Way
I doubt I’ll rehash this whole thing with my daughter this time around. But I’m glad I had a chance to process it so I can give her these words when she needs them next time.
I sincerely hope that you walk away today with them in your bones, too.
We can have more.
We can make our own rules.
And we can live lives that truly feel like ours.
Remember that.
Maybe next time I hear, “It’s just what kids do,” I’ll smile – not because I agree, but because I’ll know we’re proof that there’s always another way.
XO – Bailee
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